So Hard To Live It (A Star Wars Fanfic)

So Hard To Live it

A Star Wars Story

               Chapter 1:

Padme Amidala stood on the balcony of the lake retreat on Naboo and stared out at the water.  It was calming to her overactive mind.  So many things had happened in the past few days, and they were things that had completely changed her life.  The very fiber of her being was turned inside out and she could scarcely take it all in.  She was startled out of her reverie by a gentle hand on her back.

                    “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, my love.”

Yes.  She was now someone’s love.  And not just anyone: I am Anakin Skywalker’s wife. It was newer to her than anything, and she still couldn’t quite get her bearings on it.  She had never been in love before. Never. And this whole reunion with Anakin turned out to be more than she expected.  Much, much more.  Before she knew it, she was madly in love with him and she was accepting his shy proposal.  He KNEW they weren’t ALLOWED to be married, or be together for that matter, but, since she had admitted her love for him on Geonosis, she had to tell him “Yes! A thousand times YES!” it was like something out of a dream or something.  And the senator from Naboo had butterflies in her stomach as the Padawan slid a handmade ring on her ring finger.  She was amazed at the beauty. And she found herself wondering where it came from.  As if he read her mind, Anakin blushed and said, “I’ve had it since I was 10. I made it for you, and I’ve been holding onto it since then.” It was like he was a tad embarrassed about the fact that he held onto something for so long…. Based on a vision he had when he was a kid.

But, she got up on her tiptoes as the light wind made her skirts flutter, and she kissed him. “It’s beautiful, Ani!  You were right, you know.  You’re not a little boy anymore. You’re a MAN, and I DO love you, and we ARE going to be married, just like you said. It’ll be hard sometimes, and we’ll have so many secrets to keep, but, we’ll make it work. I promise. I’ve never felt so safe before.  You’ve opened my heart and I never wish to be parted from you.”

And he picked her up and twirled her around, telling her that he felt the same. And now…

Anakin was her husband. She was his wife.  She turned around to face him. “It’s ok, I was just letting everything sink in.”

“I know. It’s a lot. I’m almost afraid to go to sleep because this feels like a dream and I don’t want to wake up.”

She smiled and kissed him sweetly.  “Don’t worry, it’s not a dream.  I’ll still be here when you get up, Ani.”

“Ok, in that case; let’s go inside, it’s a little chilly and neither one of us needs to catch cold.”

“Alright, my handsome Jedi.”

He chuckled a little and put a protective arm around her waist. She smiled at the feeling of security and warmth of his touch, laying her head on his shoulder. “I am so happy.” She thought aloud, breathless emotion in her voice.

 

                    *~~~~~~~~~~*

Anakin Skywalker felt his pulse quicken when she told him how happy she was.  And when she laid her head on his shoulder, he loved the scent of her hair and he was intoxicated by it.  He opened the door to the bedroom they now shared for her, and she nodded her thanks.   As if his pulse wasn’t racing enough, he turned around after locking the door; to find the robe she had been wearing thrown on the chair by the armoire in the lavishly decorated room.  And when he got a glimpse of her, well….he needed more than a glimpse.  She was dressed in a lovely pink nightgown of silk and lace with a plunging neckline and a slit on the skirt that showed her lovely leg and thigh.   His breath caught.  He had never seen anything so beautiful or visually stimulating before.   Oh Force! She’s so—so very beautiful!  I suddenly feel warm and my heart is pounding in my chest, my hands are shaking… my knees are weak. My legs don’t want to work…  And all I want is to take her in my arms and kiss her and… He almost had a hard time with THAT thought, just because he was a Jedi and things of this nature were forbidden, so his knowledge of this was limited to bare-bones teachings that Obi-Wan forced out as if it had a bad taste.  He didn’t realize it at first, but when she looked into his eyes, she must have seen that longing in his eyes because she smiled a little nervously and said to him, “Well, I believe that you’re blushing, my strong Jedi. And that look in your eyes is telling me that something is going to happen… and while I am, in a way, scared to death- because I’ve never been anywhere NEAR  to this experience… and I’m afraid to let you down… but, I’m excited. And I think I’ve never seen any man as gorgeous as you… My heart is beating so fast that I know it’s telling me that everything will be ok. I know you’re scared too, but, that’ll pass in time…”

“So, it’s ok if I act on these strange feelings that have been creeping up on me since I saw you in that revealing nightgown?”

She laughed.  “I’m your wife, Anakin. Enjoy it. Embrace it. And with the way I’m feeling right now,  even if you didn’t make a move on me, I’d make a move on you.“

He blushed and he took a deep breath, kissing her passionately, arm sliding around her tiny waist. He smiled a little deviously as he picked her up and gently plopped her onto the bed. 

 

*~~~~~~~*

Oh, stars! Where did THIS come from?  He’s a Jedi! They’re not supposed to know about things such as these.  It’s like- he just knows what to do somehow…. But how? She wondered.  But the answer hit her like a brick.  It’s The Force! Who would have thought….

 

And as she lay in his arms in the wee hours of the morning, with her head on his chest, she smiled.  It’s a wonderful life.

 

Chapter 2

Anakin woke up to the gentle kisses of the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.  And he felt in them that while gentle, they were insistent.  Holy Force! What did I do to deserve such an angel?   He chuckled as he opened his eyes and blinked the sleep out of them.  The sun shone through the window and she sun on her face made her all that much more desperately gorgeous. To him, she was everything.  And with the chuckle, he wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her back, gently flipping her over so he was on top of her.  In the meadow, they had rolled down a hill in the grass, laughing and playing like children, but this was SO not like that.  He made love to her and she sighed contently when they finally parted.  “Master Jedi, your skills impress me.”

                    “You’re not a Jedi, but YOUR skills impress me also.”

                    “Thank you.” She grinned.

                    “Do you know how much I love you?”

                    “Oh, yes, I do!  To do THAT to me, and to be so kind and sweet, and strong, even when I was so cruel to you before… I know you love me. And there’s no one I’d rather be with for the rest of my life.  And even though our married life is never going to be like a ‘normal couple’, I know I want to have a house and that I want to have your babies, and I want to watch them grow, and I want to grow old with you.”

His heart was practically swollen at the amount of love he felt for her, and how much emotion she had unearthed in his soul. 

                    “I want all that too, darling.” He said breathlessly.